Wind in My Hair and Labs

The title to this post doesn't make much sense but it was a cool day today. It was raining and I stepped outside to watch the storm that was rolling in. The wind picked up and I had a realization that made me very happy...the wind was blowing through my hair. I have enough hair for the wind to blow through. My hair is growing more and more each day. It is dark in some parts and light in others (I still say the light part is gray but others are telling me that it is blonde). I'm currently trying to decide if I want to keep my hair really short. I have to admit that I have enjoyed the low maintenance hairstyle. I just wish I didn't have to shave my face. I really enjoyed that aspect of Chemo.

I've been feeling great recently. Michelle and I have been walking and it has been awesome. I went in for labs today and I think I had some good news. One of the tests that they ran was the sedimentation rate. This test measures how fast your red blood cells settle in a test tube. The last time I had it tested was on 2/2/2011. At that point in time, my reading was 99. A normal reading is 0-15. Today, the reading was 4. I've learned that high readings can be caused by certain autoimmune diseases and cancers (such as Lymphoma). That makes me very happy! I have a low reading. It doesn't mean that I'm out of the woods, but it is a good sign.

For now, I just have to enjoy the perceived good news and let the wind blow through my hair. :)

Update

I wanted to provide a quick update on the health front. I'm feeling great! I am getting my strength back. I still wouldn't want to run a 5k but I'm walking quite a bit. Last night, Michelle and I went for a long walk. It was great. I'm starting to look like my old self again. My hair is coming back in. I have mixed feelings about the hair. I look better with hair but the maintenance of no hair is so nice. My next appointment with my Oncologist is on July 28th. I don't expect to hear much on that day unless my blood labs look bad. The scan will be at the end of August. I am doing everything I can to remain positive and optimistic but I have to admit that there is always an element of fear in the back of my mind.

That is enough cancer talk for today. I had a funny memory today (at least it is funny to me). It is the time that I used the scriptures to ward off crazy animals. I was on my mission in Thailand and I visited a city that is up country from Bangkok. I believe I was the only foreigner in the city and we went to the town center where a bunch of monkeys reside. We went in and all of the sudden, a bunch of monkeys came up to me. I thought it was kind of cool at first. I was trying to feed them. Out of the blue, they started climbing all over me and became very aggressive. This is where the scriptures came in. I had to use my scripture bag to beat the monkeys away from me. I knocked a couple of them away and they hissed at me. I got out of there as quickly as possible.

For whatever reason, different types of apes do not like me. My first month in Thailand, my companion and I were walking down the road and a Gibbon jumped out of the tree and smacked me on the head. It didn't hurt but it scared me to death. My companion was Thai and he was unscathed. I like to think that the monkeys were jealous of me (good looking, blonde hair, taller than most people they saw), but I really think that they were posturing because they thought I was a monkey...maybe they were right.

Me attempting to feed a monkey.

My hair is growing back, and it isn't all gray. :)

Howard Jones

I'm sorry I haven't posted sooner. I've been trying to stay busy and not think about the possibility of additional treatments. I mowed the lawn yesterday. It wore me out but I've got to start building my stamina. Michelle and I had a wonderful weekend. The kids went to Price to visit with their Aunt Stephanie and Uncle Scott. We went to the Howard Jones concert on Saturday night. We only had general admission seating and our spot wasn't the best but I still enjoyed the concert. You see...on May 22, 1987, Michelle and I had our first date. We went to the Howard Jones One to One concert. That concert was at Park West and was a wonderful night. Michelle reminded me that I kissed her on that first date. That was not my style, but I had known Michelle for quite some time before we ever went out. She also reminded me that she kissed me on our second first date (several years later).

Michelle and I have been to many Howard Jones concerts. We were counting last night and I have seen him 9 times and Michelle has seen him 8 times. We love his music but it is as much about nostalgia as it is about the music. I tried to take a video but it didn't turn out. Suffice it to say that it was everything that I hoped it would be. Howard made a few mistakes but it was easy to forgive him as he was playing songs that he had never played live before.

I had a pretty good week at work! I was really sick on Wednesday. I thought I had food poisoning but it turned out to be a 24 hour stomach bug. My family has been passing it around since. I'm just glad that I'm not in the middle of chemo right now or it could have turned into something worse.

I met our future neighbors today. I was at the church in the clerk's office and a nice couple came and asked if I could help them. They were looking for the right ward to attend. I asked them where they were moving to and they said that they were moving into the Wheatland Estates. I asked the address and realized that they were moving in across the street from us. So happy to have some nice neighbors moving in. We were talking a little and I found out that she had (and beat) esophigal cancer. It is amazing to me that this awful disease touches so many people. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are lots of other diseases that also impact lots of lives. I don't mean to diminish the impact of those diseases. Cancer is just at the top of mind for me and my family right now.

Big week this week. We have visitors at work. We are holding an interview session for a new hire class. I have tickets for an advanced screening of Harry Potter on Thursday. Looking forward to the end of the week (which is a bad place to be at the beginning of the week). I am trying to pass the time without going crazy. Michelle and I are also planning on dinner with Stew and Suzi this week. I've mentioned Stew in past blogs. He has been a big help as he has undergone almost the same treatments for very similar issues. I visisted with him after I found out that we may still not be out of the woods. I am still praying for remission but I have to prepare myself in the event that we do need to go to the next step.

As far as an update... I'm still not 100% but I'm feeling so much better. My hair is coming back in. I will post a picture in a week or so. It can't decide what color it is going to be. The sides are gray but I have dark hair coming in as well. I don't mind the gray. I'm just happy it is coming back. I hope I will be able to keep it and not have to go through more treatments. As always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I still know that I will be cured! Just may take a little longer than we originally planned.

Near Remission????

I went to the Intermountain Medical Center on Tuesday to have my blood drawn for labs. On Wednesday, I went in for my PET scan. Michelle and I got up early (not early enough). I found out late that we were supposed to be there 30 minutes prior to our appointment. We rushed to the hospital and they quickly called me back. A PET scan is similar to a CT scan but takes a lot more time. They had me drink two cups of the Crystal Light mixed with iodine. The tech then put an IV in me to inject the radioactive sugar into my system. I had to then wait for 45 minutes while the radioactive sugar spread through my organs. After that long wait, I finally went into the room for the scan. I laid down on the machine and the tech told me I couldn't move for 30 minutes (this is harder than you think). The machine quickly scanned me and then moved back and started to scan me in 5 or 6 sections (each about 5 minutes). It was so hard to be still. My arms fell asleep as they were positioned above my head, I got a cramp in my leg. Not a fun experience. It eventually ended and then Michelle went to the Women's Center for a mammogram. We aren't taking any chances with our health. After she was done, we went home.

At home, I was looking online and found my results. As I mentioned on facebook, most of it looked good to my untrained comprehension but there was one thing that bothered me. The last couple of sentences said:

"Hypermetabolic is noted along the mesenteric root where adenopathy persists. This is concerning for continued involvement of lymphoma."

I'm not a doctor but I knew what that meant. It ruined my night. I'm really grateful for the advent of technology to allow us the ability to check these things online but in some ways it might be better to not know. I had to impatiently wait until today to understand exactly where we are at.

We went to see Dr. Legant today. We brought a present for her. It was an oriental fan, it was an inside joke about other careers that she could have. She loved it. I then admitted to her that I already looked at the results and that they were concerning. She went through the exam first and then we began discussing the results. It all looks pretty good, my spleen is back to normal and the majority of the lymph nodes are back to normal. The problem is that I had two lymph nodes that still light up with hypermetabolic activity. Those two lymph nodes are slightly larger than normal (1.5 cm vs. 1.0 cm). They also have a SUV (Standard uptake value of 5.6 and 4.3). That number was up in the 10 - 12 range originally so it looks better but it is concerning that it is still higher than normal.

So where does that leave us? She is recommending that we watch and wait at this point. I will go back in for an appointment on July 28th. We are planning on a CT scan in two months to see if the lymph nodes have increased/decreased in size. If we see any activity, we will be looking at harvesting stem cells and then going through a quick but powerful chemo regimen. Once they kill off my immune system, they will then transplant my own stem cells to build back my immune system. This is a very scary procedure. My good friend has gone through it and he did fine but it is not without risks.

I really hope we don't have to go through that, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I'm not done fighting. We can use all the prayers that we can get. I'm very hopeful that those two lymph nodes will continue to shrink and we will be declared in remission. I hope this doesn't sound like a negative post. I allowed myself to be upset on Wednesday and I've been good ever since. Even today, when we met with Dr. Legant. I'm ready for whatever is thrown at us. I think Michelle is too. She is awesome!

Platinum Lining

We've all heard the phrase..."Every cloud has a silver lining." I'm pretty much a believer in that concept. My Dad used to always tell me that some of our darkest days come before our biggest blessings. I can tell you that I absolutely believe that as well.

So here are my silver linings of being a survivor of Non Hodkins Lymphoma (you will notice that I didn't use the C word).

• Michelle and I are closer than ever. She has been my rock throughout this experience and I'm so grateful for her.



• I want to spend more time with my family. I was limited in what I could do and now I want to do those things that I couldn't do.



• I cherish every day that I have with my loved ones. I know they won't be here forever but I'm so grateful for the opportunity that I've had to associate with them.



• Friendships have blossomed. So many people have helped our family. We have reconnected with old friends and new friendships have developed.



• I have a greater appreciation for prayer. I've said it before but we've felt the prayers and we know that we have received strength beyond our own.



• I appreciate having good health. I think we all take this for granted at times. I'm still not 100% and probably won't be for a long time but I'm so happy that I'm feeling better every day.

There are probably 100 other things that I could talk about. As I've thought about it, I would change the name to Platinum Lining. I don't know why we had this challenge in our lives. I do know that it will continue to bless me in the future and hopefully other people as well.

This is a big week for us. I have blood labs on Tuesday, my PET scan on Wednesday, and I meet with Dr. Legant on Friday. I'm confident that she is going to tell us that I'm in remission. I can then officially say that I'm a cancer survivor. I'm so excited! I have to admit that I'm also a little nervous. There is a chance that it isn't completely gone, but I'm determined to keep that out of my head. I will post again later this week when I have some of the answers. Wish us luck!

Fathers' Day vs. Father's Day

You will know, from reading my blog, that I'm not perfect when it comes to grammar. I just read something online that made a lot of sense to me. When this holiday was first proposed, it was a day for all Fathers. Therefore it should be Fathers' Day. But somewhere along the way, it was changed to Father's Day, a day for Father. I'm okay with the change. I think it is important to honor our individual Dads.

I'm grateful for my Dad and the example that he set for me and my brothers. I received a phone call last night from my Bishop, asking me to speak about my Dad today. I shared a few stories with the congregation about my Dad. I thought it might be nice to share some of those stories here.

My Dad made the gospel easy for me to understand as a child. I remember him teaching me and my classmates about the translation of the Book of Mormon. He used a Stereoscope and had cards that he had written on. Looking at them without the stereoscope made no sense. But when you put it in the stereoscope, a message came alive. I know that is not how Joseph translated the Book of Mormon but it suddenly made sense to me.

My Dad taught me to serve. I remember working side by side with him on many occasions. When the church still requested members to donate to the budget, our ward would stuff newspapers with advertisements to earn money for the ward budget. It was a great opportunity to serve and reduce the burden on the members of the ward. We spent many hours standing on our feet and working to help earn funds for the budget. I remember it being pretty grueling work but I remember working with my Dad and that is why I was there.

He taught me how to honor the priesthood. Not long before I turned 19, I received the Melchezidek Priesthood. My first opportunity to use the priesthood was when our good friend was missing. He and some other members of the ward flew to New Mexico in a small private plane for a business venture. This gentleman was one of my favorite people and his wife asked my Dad and me to give her a blessing. My Dad offered to give the blessing. When he was giving her the blessing, I had such an overwhelming sense of the spirit. I mistakenly thought that meant that everything would be okay. I waited for my Dad to say that he was going to be fine but the blessing was more of a blessing of comfort for his wife. When we left, I remember talking to my Dad about the blessing and he told me that he thought he didn't have a good feeling. Unfortunately, all of the men on the plane died in an awful crash. I was feeling the spirit but I now believe that it was the spirit confirming what my Dad was saying. I'm so glad he was a worthy priesthood holder and was prepared for that tough assignment.

Finally, he gave me a blessing right before I started chemotherapy. In that blessing, he shared with me that I would be able to withstand the effects of chemotherapy and that I would be cured. From everything that I read, I have had an amazing experience with my chemo treatments. Don't get me wrong...it is tough, but it was much better than I ever imagined it would be. I realize that this didn't come from my Dad. He was the voice, acting on behalf of God. I'm so grateful for him.


I also love who my Dad...the person. I received calls from him almost every day while I was sick. He has become more than my Dad...he is my friend. He is funny (although I know Mom was feeding him a lot of the lines along the way), he is smart, he is kind, and most of all, he taught me how to be a good husband and Father. I love you Dad!


Changing gears for a moment...I'm feeling better this week. I'm still tired but I don't feel sick. I'm starting to get some hair. I don't know if it will stay but it gives me hope. I will post a picture soon. I will have to post another picture of me as well. Since I became sick, I have been drinking more fluids and I usually have to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. The other day I went in the bathroom and with the lights off, I looked at myself and was shocked to see Uncle Fester from the Addam's Family in the mirror. I've lost my eyebrows and without my glasses, I look like Uncle Fester. :) I really don't mind. I feel good and know I will get back to my old self someday. Besides, if you can't laugh at yourself, you are taking yourself way too seriously. Happy Fathers' Day everyone (or Father's Day). :)

Book Ideas and Other Thoughts

In my last post, I mentioned that I wanted to take time to put some thoughts into chapter headings for my future book. These aren't neccessarily in the order that I will arrange them but it gives you an idea of what I'm thinking. You will also notice that some of them are similar to previous posts. They are as follows:

Life Before the Challenge
The Cough That Saved My Life
Allowing Myself To Have a Bad Day
Family and Friends
The Power of Faith and Prayer
Positive Attitude and Healing
Laughter is the Best Medicine
Allowing Others to Help
What is Normal?
Treatment...Killing the Good With the Bad
Side Effects
The Challenge Does Not Define Me (thanks to Seth for the inspiration on this one)
Recovery
Life After the Challenge

What I envision are short chapters (4 or 5 pages per chapter). I will try to keep it light-hearted yet informative. It will be about my experiences but I plan on using other stories as well. It all sounds good in my head but I know I have a tough job ahead of me, especially since I've never done anything like this before. I'm going to rely heavily upon Michelle as well. She was always a better writer than me and I often use her to help me edit things that I write.

Speaking of Michelle, we went in for lab work on Friday. We were assigned to a small room with 2 chemo chairs and there was a lady getting some lab work done as well. Michelle felt like the room was too small and excused herself out to the waiting room. When my nurse, Saima, came in, the first thing she asked me was "Where is your side kick?". They know Michelle very well as she has been there every step of the way. I am so lucky to have her. I have so many supporters but none greater than her!

I'm realizing that I am still in the recovery stage. I tried to go to work on Thursday and ended up leaving after only 4 hours. It was too early. This final treatment has knocked me a bit lower than the other treatments. I went to my parents on Saturday for the Herriman parade (it comes right next to their house). Every year we put out chairs to reserve spots along the park strip. This year, I took my tent over to my parents house for the boy cousins to sleep in Friday night. The parade was great and it seems to be getting larger each year. After the parade, I grabbed a couple of chairs and took them to the back yard. My brother Steve and I also took down the tent. He carried the heavy part of the tent to my car and I grabbed the poles and a few sleeping bags. I had to stop 3 times on the way to the car. I was exhausted and I didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I was very frustrated that I couldn't do what I wanted and have since decided that I need to take my time.

Have you ever watched the "Pop-up Videos" on VH1? I feel like my life in the last 5 or 6 months have been like a pop-up video. Of course, it is my own doing and as I've mentioned so many times before, it is therapeutic for me. Thanks again for all of your support. I couldn't have made it this far without all of you.