Did I read that correctly?

Okay...I feel like I've been a bit negative lately. I've been concerned about my pending scan. I've been overly worried about every little pain and abnormal feeling. I've heard that this is the life of a cancer survivor. I received what I believe to be good news today. Let me start from the beginning:

5:30 am - Wake up and get ready for the day. Nick has early morning seminary today.

6:15 am - Take Nick to seminary.

7:45 am - Michelle's Mom came over to get Sydney off to school and we left for IMC. I unfortunately forgot the paperwork so we had to turn around to get it. Good thing we left early!

8:15 am - We arrived at IMC and I registered for my blood labs.

8:25 am - The vampires at IMC sucked a couple of vials of blood from my arm. They used my good vein which concerned me because I knew that the CT tech would need to hook up an IV tube for the PET scan.

8:30 am - We went upstairs to register for the PET Scan.

8:35 am - They called me back for the PET scan. I wasn't scheduled until 9:00 am.

The timing gets fuzzy from here as I couldn't see a clock and didn't have my cell phone. I went back and they had me start drinking the iodine/crystal light mix. The tech hooked up the IV line. He then brought in the radioactive sugar mix and injected it into the line. I got to rest for about 45 minutes while the radioactive sugar was absorbed into my system. The tech came back in had me drink some more crystal light mix. It was then time for the scan. I had to lay down on the table with my arms raised above my head and they told me to not move for 35 minutes.

The scan begins with a quick CT scan of my entire body and then the PET scan takes pictures of sections of my body in 5 minute increments. I've never really been claustrophobic but today I felt a little nervous. The tube is about 3 feet long and it felt like I was in there for a long time.

This is probably a lot more information than you ever wanted to know about PET scans but I thought I would give you an idea of what I go through each time. When I got home, the blood labs were already on Intermountain Healthcare's website. The numbers looked good but no scan data yet. About 30 minutes later, the scan results came up. This is what it said:

FINDINGS: At the skull base and neck no abnormal hypermetabolic
uptake was detected.

At the thorax no abnormal hypermetabolic uptake was detected.

At the abdomen and pelvis no abnormal hypermetabolic uptake was
detected.

Foci of increased activity described on the prior study at
mesenteric lymph nodes have resolved over the interval. CT of the
abdomen shows progression of lymph node nodules although there is
persistent mesenteric density, which is not hypermetabolic by PET
scan. This shows mild decrease in size over the interval.

No osseous site of abnormal uptake is detected.

IMPRESSION: Currently there is no focal abnormality that is

suspicious for active neoplasm.

Did I read that correctly? "Currently there is no focal abnormality that is suspicious for active neoplasm." What? I went in with the hope that I would see a decrease in the standard uptake value and lymph nodes that shrunk. I didn't expect that I would see those results.

I have to call it a miracle. As I've mentioned before, I received two priesthood blessings, I've had so many prayers on my behalf, and I've changed my diet. I'm afraid that this means I'm going to have to remain a vegetarian. I'm convinced that miracles do happen. I have to admit that I haven't been as faithful as I could have been. I've had my doubts. I am so thankful tonight.

I haven't stopped smiling today. I've shed a few tears (all happy tears). We took the kids out to dinner tonight. After carrying this around for over a year now, I think we can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I won't speak to Dr. Legant until Wednesday. She will tell me for sure but I can't wait to hear from her. I don't think this means we are out of the woods. We need to have a string of these clean scans, but this is the first step.

It is a great day and once again, I have to thank all of you for your support!

One Year Ago...

Yesterday marks the one year anniversary of my first chemotherapy treatment. All weekend, I've had some psychosomatic symptoms. We've been talking about it throughout the week and for some strange reason, I've had too many memories of chemo this week. I could vividly remember the smells of that first chemo session. I was so sick and I swear I could smell the exact same smells. I was watching a tv program on the Disney Channel and there is a kid from a current Disney TV show that was doing a musical number and it reminded me of when I was sick. I've felt sick to my stomach for much of the week. Again, I think it was psychosomatic but maybe I've had a bug as well. Finally, I was eating a zinger today (yes, I still eat like a 10 year old), and I was reminded of a dear friend that passed this past year. He came to visit me and brought treats and one of the treats was zingers.

So glad to be on this end of it. I have a scan on the 27th and I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. I had a wonderful sister grab my hand today and tell me that she is so happy that I'm doing so well. I visited her house once when I was in the Bishopric and I didn't think she knew me well but she told me that she has been praying for me. I love the power of prayer! Our home teachers came over tonight and gave a lesson on prayer. I don't know where I would be without prayer. I'm not perfect with my prayers but I go to Heavenly Father a lot...at home, for my kids, for my extended family and friends, with my job, and especially for my sweetheart! I told the kids tonight how I always try to envision Heavenly Father listening to me. My prayers have more meaning when I pray that way. Thank you again for all of your prayers.

Dear Cancer...

Dear Cancer, (scratch that...there is nothing dear about you)

I was inspired by a social media outlet that writes letters to you. I also want to write a letter to you. I will not thank you for giving me cancer, but I will say that I'm appreciative for the experiences that I've gained through you. You may have made my body weaker, the awful effects of chemo continue to bother me, but I'm stronger. I'm stronger mentally, I know my attitude and approach to fighting you made me stronger mentally. You see, I know I'm going to beat you. Yes, there have been hiccups and there may be more but I'm going to fight you. I've always joked that I'm a lover, not a fighter but I have no love for you. I don't wish for anyone to be hurt, but you...I want you completely eradicated from the face of the earth. I know you think you win sometimes. Some people succumb to you. But do you really win? Those people become stronger, their families are stronger and they become better people.

I've also become stronger spiritually. I have to rely on faith! I've received two blessings that said I would be cured but that there would be bumps in the road. I love the power of the priesthood. I've talked with people that wonder why God allowed you to come into this world. I'm convinced that it is for the refinement that some of us need. I've learned more about the power of prayer this past year and that is all attributable to you. I've had members of my own faith pray for me, Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics, Muslims and I'm sure many others. I know God listens and answers prayers.

My family has become stronger. Michelle is awesome! I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. We still get excited to see each other every day. I love her more than ever before. My kids have also been amazing. They make me laugh and show me how much they love me every day. My parents continue to be a great source of support. I still look forward to speaking with them often. My siblings, Michelle's family, cousins, and many others have been so great. I heard a stat the other day and I don't remember the exact number, but it stated that men can only have 10 or less significant relationships/friendships at any given time. I disagree with that number. Cancer...you have proven that to be incorrect.

Despite some of the good things, there are areas where you are winning. I continue to battle the demons in my head that tell me that you could come back. I get stressed out every time I go for a scan or blood work. I worry about Michelle and the kids if something did happen. At times, I feel less than everyone else because of you. You are a chink in my armor. I don't like that!

Don't get me wrong cancer, I will fight. I don't like you! In fact, I think you are the one exception to me not hating anyone. I hate that you continue to affect other people that I know. I hate that we've lost people to you. I could stoop to using more colorful language but that is not me and I feel that it would empower you.

Someday, we will find a cure or a way to prevent you. I can't wait until that day.

Sincerely,

Jim (Jimmy)

Quick Update

I actually visited Doctor Legant about a week ago. This was an appointment scheduled between my scans. She had me do my blood work a couple of days before the appointment. So, on Monday the 16th, I went to IMC and had the vampires suck some blood from me. :)

I came home and within minutes they posted the results. These will probably not make a lot of sense for most readers but you can see that they are within normal range

Name	Normal Range	01/16 2012	11/28 2011	09/26 2011	07/26 2011
WBC	3.6-10.6	4.8	3.6	4.6	4.0
RBC	4.50-5.90	5.12	5.28	4.92	4.69
HGB	13.5-17.5	15.2	15.6	14.6	14.3
Hct	41.0-53.0	44.7	45.3	42.6	42.0
MCV	80.0-100.0	87.3	85.8	86.8	89.6
MCH	26.0-34.0	29.7	29.5	29.8	30.5
MCHC	32.0-36.0	34.0	34.4	34.3	34.1
RDW	11.3-15.6	14.6	15.1	13.7	14.1
PLTS	150-400	253	240	255	235
MPV	6.6-10.1	7.4	7.8	7.5	7.6

I knew that the numbers looked great but I couldn't wait to speak with Dr. Legant. I saw her last Wednesday. We spoke for a minute about my blood pressure, yes it is high. I told her that I have WCS..."White Coat Syndrome".

We then turned the conversation to the blood work. She was very happy with the numbers. I think her exact words were: "Your blood labs are perfect, you look great, how do you feel?" To which I answered that I feel great and she liked that answer. She then apologized to me that we are going to need to continue doing PET Scans until the lymph nodes go cold. This peaked my interest. I've been under the impression that I will eventually need to have additional treatment someday so I asked her about it. I also asked her about the fact that 3 lymph nodes shrunk last time. She said that she is thinking they will shrink and become cold and hopes that we won't need to do any additional treatments. That made my day! I've been doing really great ever since. Michelle was happy to hear that as well. Maybe this new found "partial vegetarianism" is paying off? Whatever the reason, I'm ecstatic!

I guess this wasn't really a quick update but it was a good one!

Elder Prawit's Favorite Food

When I first arrived in Thailand on my mission, I was extremely homesick. I was the only missionary in my group that was assigned to a native Thai speaker. I was in a part of Bangkok on the west side of Chao Praya river called Thonburi. I was overwhelmed and afraid of this large city, I'd never seen anything like it before. My parents knew that I was struggling and I had also been sick. One day, I was making a tape for my parents and I asked my companion, Elder Prawit, to tell about his favorite food. It is an old military favorite. After hearing this tape, my parents quit worrying about me. (Warning...it has some language, but it is hilarious)

I was only a month in country, so my Thai was really bad. I was very grateful for Elder Prawit, my Trainer. He was a great missionary and a very good example to me. I hope you enjoy it like I did.

不思議 Fushigi

I've been bad at posting lately...I thought I would share my story of fushigi. When I was a little boy, my Dad was in the military and we lived in Japan. I never learned how to speak Japanese but my Dad served a two and a half year mission in Japan and then we spent 3 years there as a family. So needless to say, my Dad speaks Japanese. Our story of Japan is a cool story but it is a story for another day. This story is about our trip to Las Vegas.

My nephew Dallin was baptized this past weekend. Several of us decided to drive down and see them. My Dad wasn't sure if he could get out of work early but ended up getting off before the rest of us. We spoke on the phone and he was getting ready to leave. I decided that I would get my family on the road so we wouldn't be too far behind him. We got on I-15 and discovered that we were just a short distance behind him and my Mom. We stopped at different places but still managed to follow each other for most of the way.

We had a very good weekend in Las Vegas. We took the kids to the M&M factory and spent some good time with the family. On Sunday, we all went our own way. As it turned out, Michelle and I were the first to head for home. We drove from Las Vegas to St. George and stopped for gas and treats. While we were stopped, I called my Dad to see where they were. He said that they had just entered St. George. We joked that maybe we would see each other. After we got settled, we entered on the freeway and guess who was there...of course it was my Mom and Dad.

My Dad called and said that it was "fushigi". I don't think there is a direct translation but it is like a very rare coincidence or wonder. I didn't hear my Dad very well and thought he said "jushigi". He corrected me and said "fushigi" to which I heard "kushigi". He then said "Fuuuuushigi", to which I responded "Oh... F-U". Everyone in my car started laughing and I realized what I said. My Dad then said, "That is some way to speak to your Dad!"

So that is my story of Fushigi. I have my next appointment with Dr. Legant next week. I hope the blood work looks great! I'll try to stay on top of the blog a little better going forward.

As a side note, I attended a viewing for my Great Uncle Dick Smuin today. He was a great man and I'm so happy he is with my Aunt Larue. During the last few days of his life, he was saying "Shut up Marge". Marge is my Grandma Carbine that passed away a year and a half ago. He then told Ashley, his Granddaughter that was taking care of him, "Marge won't shut the he** up".

My Dad was telling me this story just after we found out about Uncle Dick and we were chuckling about it. Michelle asked what we were laughing about and Dad said, "Oh Uncle Dick died." He then had to correct himself and explain why we were laughing. I can picture my Grandma trying to coax Uncle Dick to come up with her and Larue. What a great generation. Uncle Dick fought in WWII and drove a tank. He was on the cover of Newsweek many years ago. I'm so grateful to know him, my Grandpa, Aunt Larue, and my Grandmas. So weird to think that the last of that generation has passed on.

Jimmy's Christmas Rock

Okay...this might be a bit self indulgent. I don't really have an update on the cancer front but I thought I would share this story that my Dad wrote 32 years ago. It is a true story and I believe the rights to the story are owned by a newspaper but it is a story about me and I don't make any money from this blog so I figure it is fair game.

Jimmy's Christmas Rock
By James W. Carbine

Young Jimmy often visited Grandma, but this particular night was to be the beginning of an unusual event.

It was rather chilly, and a friendly, coal-fed fire crackled in the fireplace. Several large pieces of shining, ebony coal lay on the hearth. The youngster's first encounter with coal soon produced the inevitable question, "What's that?" His father, glancing up from the adult conversation, trying to add a little humor, said, "That's a Christmas rock, and if you're good, you'll get it for Christmas."

The rest of the evening was spent without much thought given to Dad's so-called joke or its absence of laughter.

As the November night grew colder and the fire dimmer, the remaining pieces of coal were added to the fire. Then it happened. Everyone realized Dad's humor had been taken very seriously by at least one person. Dad glanced down to see who was tugging on his sleeve and was met by a heartboken look of a 3-year old. Jimmy, fighting back the tears, said, "Grandpa burned away my Christmas rock."

Grandma soon pacified Jimmy by telling him she would make sure he got another rock for Christmas. She did, however, include one more condition. Jimmy had to kiss her at every meeting in return for the gift. So the evening concluded with everyone happy, with maybe the exception of our would be comic, Dad.

In the week that followed there was the usual excitement for Christmas shared by everyone. But for Jimmy there was a special excitement, as he waited to become the owner of his Christmas rock. Whenever asked the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" the first and often only answer was, "A Christmas rock."

His enthusiasm spread and soon his younger sisgter, Charlene, had made the same arrangement with Grandma, and she too was anxiously awaiting the blessed day.

In a time of electronic gadgetry, talking tooth brushes and all sorts of glittering toys on the market, it amazed people that a youngster could be so fascinated by a black ugly, piece of coal. The same coal used in Christmases past to punish children was now a reward for being good.

Soon the festive holiday arrived, and as promised, there under the Christmas tree lay two beautiful Christmas rocks, strangely resembling two ugly hunks of coal. The tricycles, electric trains, and dolls created almost as much excitement and joy; but when asked which present would be taken as the family visited friends and relatives, there was never really any doubt as to what Jimmy and Charlene would take.

In their travels that day, they beamed with joy when asked what they got. They quickly showed their pride and joy--their rocks.

One cousin, about the same age as Jimmy, felt quite bad that he didn't have a Christmas rock. Grandma again came to the rescue promising yet another piece of coal (however, after dropping his Christmas rock on his bare foot, the cousin lost most of his admiration for it).

Though the newness soon wore off, the pride in ownership remained. Today seven years later, the rock remains proudly perched on a shelf like a trophy. Grandma still collects her kisses, and anyone entering Jimmy's room is immediately shown the rock.

Several months later as Grandma's birthday approached and a present was being discussed, young Jimmy suggested, "Let's get her a Birthday rock!"