Friday, July 1, 2011
Near Remission????
At home, I was looking online and found my results. As I mentioned on facebook, most of it looked good to my untrained comprehension but there was one thing that bothered me. The last couple of sentences said:
"Hypermetabolic is noted along the mesenteric root where adenopathy persists. This is concerning for continued involvement of lymphoma."
I'm not a doctor but I knew what that meant. It ruined my night. I'm really grateful for the advent of technology to allow us the ability to check these things online but in some ways it might be better to not know. I had to impatiently wait until today to understand exactly where we are at.
We went to see Dr. Legant today. We brought a present for her. It was an oriental fan, it was an inside joke about other careers that she could have. She loved it. I then admitted to her that I already looked at the results and that they were concerning. She went through the exam first and then we began discussing the results. It all looks pretty good, my spleen is back to normal and the majority of the lymph nodes are back to normal. The problem is that I had two lymph nodes that still light up with hypermetabolic activity. Those two lymph nodes are slightly larger than normal (1.5 cm vs. 1.0 cm). They also have a SUV (Standard uptake value of 5.6 and 4.3). That number was up in the 10 - 12 range originally so it looks better but it is concerning that it is still higher than normal.
So where does that leave us? She is recommending that we watch and wait at this point. I will go back in for an appointment on July 28th. We are planning on a CT scan in two months to see if the lymph nodes have increased/decreased in size. If we see any activity, we will be looking at harvesting stem cells and then going through a quick but powerful chemo regimen. Once they kill off my immune system, they will then transplant my own stem cells to build back my immune system. This is a very scary procedure. My good friend has gone through it and he did fine but it is not without risks.
I really hope we don't have to go through that, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I'm not done fighting. We can use all the prayers that we can get. I'm very hopeful that those two lymph nodes will continue to shrink and we will be declared in remission. I hope this doesn't sound like a negative post. I allowed myself to be upset on Wednesday and I've been good ever since. Even today, when we met with Dr. Legant. I'm ready for whatever is thrown at us. I think Michelle is too. She is awesome!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Platinum Lining
So here are my silver linings of being a survivor of Non Hodkins Lymphoma (you will notice that I didn't use the C word).
- Michelle and I are closer than ever. She has been my rock throughout this experience and I'm so grateful for her.
- I want to spend more time with my family. I was limited in what I could do and now I want to do those things that I couldn't do.
- I cherish every day that I have with my loved ones. I know they won't be here forever but I'm so grateful for the opportunity that I've had to associate with them.
- Friendships have blossomed. So many people have helped our family. We have reconnected with old friends and new friendships have developed.
- I have a greater appreciation for prayer. I've said it before but we've felt the prayers and we know that we have received strength beyond our own.
- I appreciate having good health. I think we all take this for granted at times. I'm still not 100% and probably won't be for a long time but I'm so happy that I'm feeling better every day.
There are probably 100 other things that I could talk about. As I've thought about it, I would change the name to Platinum Lining. I don't know why we had this challenge in our lives. I do know that it will continue to bless me in the future and hopefully other people as well.
This is a big week for us. I have blood labs on Tuesday, my PET scan on Wednesday, and I meet with Dr. Legant on Friday. I'm confident that she is going to tell us that I'm in remission. I can then officially say that I'm a cancer survivor. I'm so excited! I have to admit that I'm also a little nervous. There is a chance that it isn't completely gone, but I'm determined to keep that out of my head. I will post again later this week when I have some of the answers. Wish us luck!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Fathers' Day vs. Father's Day
I'm grateful for my Dad and the example that he set for me and my brothers. I received a phone call last night from my Bishop, asking me to speak about my Dad today. I shared a few stories with the congregation about my Dad. I thought it might be nice to share some of those stories here.
My Dad made the gospel easy for me to understand as a child. I remember him teaching me and my classmates about the translation of the Book of Mormon. He used a Stereoscope and had cards that he had written on. Looking at them without the stereoscope made no sense. But when you put it in the stereoscope, a message came alive. I know that is not how Joseph translated the Book of Mormon but it suddenly made sense to me.
My Dad taught me to serve. I remember working side by side with him on many occasions. When the church still requested members to donate to the budget, our ward would stuff newspapers with advertisements to earn money for the ward budget. It was a great opportunity to serve and reduce the burden on the members of the ward. We spent many hours standing on our feet and working to help earn funds for the budget. I remember it being pretty grueling work but I remember working with my Dad and that is why I was there.
He taught me how to honor the priesthood. Not long before I turned 19, I received the Melchezidek Priesthood. My first opportunity to use the priesthood was when our good friend was missing. He and some other members of the ward flew to New Mexico in a small private plane for a business venture. This gentleman was one of my favorite people and his wife asked my Dad and me to give her a blessing. My Dad offered to give the blessing. When he was giving her the blessing, I had such an overwhelming sense of the spirit. I mistakenly thought that meant that everything would be okay. I waited for my Dad to say that he was going to be fine but the blessing was more of a blessing of comfort for his wife. When we left, I remember talking to my Dad about the blessing and he told me that he thought he didn't have a good feeling. Unfortunately, all of the men on the plane died in an awful crash. I was feeling the spirit but I now believe that it was the spirit confirming what my Dad was saying. I'm so glad he was a worthy priesthood holder and was prepared for that tough assignment.
Finally, he gave me a blessing right before I started chemotherapy. In that blessing, he shared with me that I would be able to withstand the effects of chemotherapy and that I would be cured. From everything that I read, I have had an amazing experience with my chemo treatments. Don't get me wrong...it is tough, but it was much better than I ever imagined it would be. I realize that this didn't come from my Dad. He was the voice, acting on behalf of God. I'm so grateful for him.
I also love who my Dad...the person. I received calls from him almost every day while I was sick. He has become more than my Dad...he is my friend. He is funny (although I know Mom was feeding him a lot of the lines along the way), he is smart, he is kind, and most of all, he taught me how to be a good husband and Father. I love you Dad!
Changing gears for a moment...I'm feeling better this week. I'm still tired but I don't feel sick. I'm starting to get some hair. I don't know if it will stay but it gives me hope. I will post a picture soon. I will have to post another picture of me as well. Since I became sick, I have been drinking more fluids and I usually have to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. The other day I went in the bathroom and with the lights off, I looked at myself and was shocked to see Uncle Fester from the Addam's Family in the mirror. I've lost my eyebrows and without my glasses, I look like Uncle Fester. :) I really don't mind. I feel good and know I will get back to my old self someday. Besides, if you can't laugh at yourself, you are taking yourself way too seriously. Happy Fathers' Day everyone (or Father's Day). :)
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Book Ideas and Other Thoughts
Life Before the Challenge
The Cough That Saved My Life
Allowing Myself To Have a Bad Day
Family and Friends
The Power of Faith and Prayer
Positive Attitude and Healing
Laughter is the Best Medicine
Allowing Others to Help
What is Normal?
Treatment...Killing the Good With the Bad
Side Effects
The Challenge Does Not Define Me (thanks to Seth for the inspiration on this one)
Recovery
Life After the Challenge
What I envision are short chapters (4 or 5 pages per chapter). I will try to keep it light-hearted yet informative. It will be about my experiences but I plan on using other stories as well. It all sounds good in my head but I know I have a tough job ahead of me, especially since I've never done anything like this before. I'm going to rely heavily upon Michelle as well. She was always a better writer than me and I often use her to help me edit things that I write.
Speaking of Michelle, we went in for lab work on Friday. We were assigned to a small room with 2 chemo chairs and there was a lady getting some lab work done as well. Michelle felt like the room was too small and excused herself out to the waiting room. When my nurse, Saima, came in, the first thing she asked me was "Where is your side kick?". They know Michelle very well as she has been there every step of the way. I am so lucky to have her. I have so many supporters but none greater than her!
I'm realizing that I am still in the recovery stage. I tried to go to work on Thursday and ended up leaving after only 4 hours. It was too early. This final treatment has knocked me a bit lower than the other treatments. I went to my parents on Saturday for the Herriman parade (it comes right next to their house). Every year we put out chairs to reserve spots along the park strip. This year, I took my tent over to my parents house for the boy cousins to sleep in Friday night. The parade was great and it seems to be getting larger each year. After the parade, I grabbed a couple of chairs and took them to the back yard. My brother Steve and I also took down the tent. He carried the heavy part of the tent to my car and I grabbed the poles and a few sleeping bags. I had to stop 3 times on the way to the car. I was exhausted and I didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I was very frustrated that I couldn't do what I wanted and have since decided that I need to take my time.
Have you ever watched the "Pop-up Videos" on VH1? I feel like my life in the last 5 or 6 months have been like a pop-up video. Of course, it is my own doing and as I've mentioned so many times before, it is therapeutic for me. Thanks again for all of your support. I couldn't have made it this far without all of you.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Goodbye Prednisone
I'm looking forward to feeling better. I usually feel better by Thursday or Friday after chemo. I'm excited to know that I will continue to feel better. I don't know if/when I will ever feel 100% but I won't have to feel like this again.
I'm excited to play with my kids again! I have fun with them but I haven't felt like I can jump on the trampoline or do anything too aggressive. I'm excited to grow my hair back. I've finally come to the realization that I don't look bad as a bald guy but I love my hair.
I can't wait to get my PICC line removed. I want to go swimming or take a long shower without a bag on my arm.
Holding hands with Michelle. My left hand suffers from neuropathy and is constantly numb. My right hand has carpal tunnel syndrome and it goes numb a lot as well. The neuropathy may take some time to go away but I am hopeful.
I can't wait to be 100% engaged at work. I've tried to stay engaged but it is so hard when I've been in and out of the office. I love my job and the people that I work with.
Most of all, I'm just going to love getting back to normal life. Doing what I want, when I want. Thanks again everyone!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Whac-A-Mole

Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Graduation and labs
After the graduation, we took everyone to lunch. At Makenzie's request, we went to Chili's. We had a total of 10 people including our little family, both sets of grandparents and Justin. We had a great time.
We went home and I had to close my eyes for a few minutes. I was wiped out. I couldn't rest for long though as I had to go to the IMC for labs. While there, I spoke with Maygan, our favorite CNA and my nurse was my favorite nurse Joann. She is an older lady and I found out today that she has been through breast cancer twice. No wonder she is such an amazing nurse. We talked a lot about attitude and how it is hard to be healed when you are in a negative frame of mind. She made me promise that I would come back and visit after I am better and my hair grows back.
I can't believe that in two days, I will be done with chemotherapy. I am so happy to be done but I have to admit that I will find it strange to fill the void that will be left by not having so many appointments. These wonderful people at the IMC have become friends. They are so supportive and I would highly recommend this cancer center to anyone. Don't get me wrong...I will find other things to do and I'm looking forward to feeling better.
I meet with Dr. Legant tomorrow, we are taking an opaque fan to her as she said that she thought she would be a good fan dancer. I hope she laughs, she has a really good sense of humor. I'm also going to tell her that I saw a letter from her this week. We were having a charity meeting at work. I oversee a charity budget of $150k for 501(c)3 charities. One of the charities had a letter of recommendation from Dr. Legant. Needless to say, we will be donating to them. My Dad will be joining us tomorrow as well. He wants to meet Dr. Legant and thank her. She really is a wonderful Doctor and I'm so grateful that we stumbled upon her.
Finally, some good friends of ours came over tonight to give Makenzie a graduation present. Janae works for Mrs. Fields and she made a special Copper Hills cookie. This cookie is about a 14 inch cookie and is so delicious. We had a chance to catch up a bit. I'm so grateful for the friendship of the Gardners. I'm also grateful for so many wonderful friends, awesome family members, and the best wife.
Thanks everyone! I plan on updating the blog again on Friday. Hopefully, I will have some pictures of some of our favorite people at the IMC Cancer Center. Even though it will make me sick...I can't wait for my last treatment!