Don't Waste Your...

You fill in the blank here. I was looking at the list of blogs that I mentioned on my last post and I saw a picture of a Mom and her baby and on the window was written, "Don't waste your cancer". Unfortunately, I don't know who to credit for the thought but it was eye opening for me. I then thought about all of the adversity that my family and I have faced over the years. I think in every one of those situations, we learned something. Perhaps the lesson is as simple as the realization of how strong we have become or that we are so blessed to come out of that "challenge" with very few scars.

It has been a rough week and a half. My Dad went into the hospital on Monday, November 14th. He has Pancreatitis. He has been in so much pain. It is hard to watch someone that you love suffer so much. It has been tough on my Mom as well. She is so tired. Unfortunately, we had to have Thanksgiving without him today. I can't wait for him to be back to his old self. This experience has really made me appreciate how Michelle and my family must have felt while I was going through treatment.

We have a PET Scan on Monday. Is it possible to be excited and scared at the same time? I want to know how the cancer is progressing but I'm also scared of what we will find. I'm very hopeful that we will see very little progression at all. I still owe Michelle a 20 year anniversary trip next spring and I'd like to feel good when we go. Michelle is a trooper. We don't have drama in our lives. I couldn't have picked a better mate.

I expressed gratitude in my last post but once again, I'm thankful for all of you. Thank you for your prayers, we continue to need them and we know that we are much stronger because of them.

Don't waste your challenges. Embrace them, learn from them, and realize how blessed you are because of them.

Cancer Blogs

I've recently found a wonderful place on the web that indexes various blogs regarding cancer. It is http://beingcancer.net/. They recently added my Blog to their growing list. I stumbled upon it by chance and I hate to admit it but I have found myself spending several hours reading other cancer survivors' blogs. It has been real eye opening for me. Despite how I feel about cancer and my own experiences, I'm finding that there are so many people that deal with this "stuff" every day. I'm also learning that people deal with it in very different ways. I see a lot of people that face it head on with a positive attitude and others that are just so upset and mad. I can't say which way is better as I think it depends on the person.

I'm five months out from my last chemo treatment. There is a strong chance that I will eventually have to do something more, but until that time, I feel great! Since my return to work, in June, I haven't missed a single day due to health reasons. I had a minor scare last week but I'm feeling really healthy. I know, I know, I shouldn't jinx myself. I'm just trying to point out that I've been very fortunate.

One thing that I have realized from reading all of these blogs is that there is always something worse that I could be dealing with right now. I read heartbreaking stories of families who lost a pregnancy due to treatments, others who have battled with several different types of cancer and finally some that finally succumbed to the disease. It truly breaks my heart!

I'm sorry to all of you that were scared by my illness. Especially my family. I will never forget sitting down with my kids and telling them about my diagnosis. I tried to be calm and assure them that everything would be alright. I truly felt peace at diagnosis, but I hope I didn't minimize the seriousness of cancer for them. I'm sorry to Michelle. I told her over the phone...looking back, that was terrible but I knew she was so anxious about what was going on. We've shared a few tears but more than anything...we have become so close!

In this month of gratitude, I'm grateful for all of the men and women that preceded me in this cancer experience and have shared their experiences. It is so helpful to know that others have gone through very similar experiences and I'm able to learn from those shared experiences. It really does help me and I'm sure it has helped many others as well.

Here are a few other things I'm thankful for:

• Michelle - I've said it so many times, she is my rock!



• My kids - you make the fight easy



• My parents and Michelle's parents -you've done so much for us



• My siblings - you make me smile



• Extended Family - I realize how important all of you are to me



• Friends - I was looking at all of the cards that we received from our friends. There were so many, now multiply that by 1,000 and we might be able to capture all of the phone calls, emails, visits, etc...



• Dr. Legant - I made a recommendation for her on Facebook the other day and I stand by it. She is a great Oncologist.



• Chemotherapy - Did I just say that? Despite the side effects, I'm grateful that it knocked the tumor down to nothing.



• Time - Even though I know that I will most likely have to face additional treatment, I'm really grateful for this time of feeling good.



• Health - A high school friend whose family has fought with cancer has a joke. They like to say "At least you have your health." I like it and I think about it often. It is a joke but I am pretty lucky. I'm glad I've always had a pretty good immune system to keep me healthy.

Finally, I'm making some changes in my life to hopefully help me. I'm eating mostly vegetarian. During the week, I am a vegetarian. On the weekends I will relax a little bit. I've read of so many health benefits from being a vegetarian. I realize that you can be a vegetarian and still be unhealthy. I'm not making too drastic of a change for now but the goal is to give my body the best opportunity to fight this nasty disease and hopefully keep it from spreading. I guess I'm struggling a bit with faith right now. Not so much faith in God but rather faith in the healing process. I want to sign up for a race but I'm so scared that I won't be able to do it because of my health. If I really had faith, I would jump in and not be concerned about the future.

I have a PET Scan on 11/28/2011. We will see what that brings. I realize that I'm basically asking for a sign before I exercise my faith. I typically don't need that but in this case, it would sure help.

Check out the other blogs that I mentioned. Especially if you, someone you love, or even an acquaintance is battling cancer. There are a lot of people that are much smarter and definitely more eloquent than me that can provide real help.

Feeling Sick

I woke up today with chills. It snowed last night so I thought maybe that was it but I later realized that I had a slight fever. I then got on a coughing fit. It was a deep cough in my chest. I'm really trying to stay calm but it brought back all of the memories from when I was diagnosed. I don't share this to complain...I just wanted to share the feelings that I was having today.

I came across the following quote later today and it was perfect for me:

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

-Mary Ann Radmacher

I don't know Ms. Radmacher but I'm grateful for this wonderful quote. I'll be courageous tomorrow (or at least I will try).

Michelle wants me to call Dr. Legant on Monday morning. I told her it depends on how I feel. I'm just really grateful that we didn't have anything to do today. We did have a dinner set up with some very good friends but I called and mentioned that we would need to take a rain check.

Here's to a better day tomorrow...Oh and we get to set the clocks back one hour. I love it!