I was inspired by a social media outlet that writes letters to you. I also want to write a letter to you. I will not thank you for giving me cancer, but I will say that I'm appreciative for the experiences that I've gained through you. You may have made my body weaker, the awful effects of chemo continue to bother me, but I'm stronger. I'm stronger mentally, I know my attitude and approach to fighting you made me stronger mentally. You see, I know I'm going to beat you. Yes, there have been hiccups and there may be more but I'm going to fight you. I've always joked that I'm a lover, not a fighter but I have no love for you. I don't wish for anyone to be hurt, but you...I want you completely eradicated from the face of the earth. I know you think you win sometimes. Some people succumb to you. But do you really win? Those people become stronger, their families are stronger and they become better people.
I've also become stronger spiritually. I have to rely on faith! I've received two blessings that said I would be cured but that there would be bumps in the road. I love the power of the priesthood. I've talked with people that wonder why God allowed you to come into this world. I'm convinced that it is for the refinement that some of us need. I've learned more about the power of prayer this past year and that is all attributable to you. I've had members of my own faith pray for me, Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics, Muslims and I'm sure many others. I know God listens and answers prayers.
My family has become stronger. Michelle is awesome! I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. We still get excited to see each other every day. I love her more than ever before. My kids have also been amazing. They make me laugh and show me how much they love me every day. My parents continue to be a great source of support. I still look forward to speaking with them often. My siblings, Michelle's family, cousins, and many others have been so great. I heard a stat the other day and I don't remember the exact number, but it stated that men can only have 10 or less significant relationships/friendships at any given time. I disagree with that number. Cancer...you have proven that to be incorrect.
Despite some of the good things, there are areas where you are winning. I continue to battle the demons in my head that tell me that you could come back. I get stressed out every time I go for a scan or blood work. I worry about Michelle and the kids if something did happen. At times, I feel less than everyone else because of you. You are a chink in my armor. I don't like that!
Don't get me wrong cancer, I will fight. I don't like you! In fact, I think you are the one exception to me not hating anyone. I hate that you continue to affect other people that I know. I hate that we've lost people to you. I could stoop to using more colorful language but that is not me and I feel that it would empower you.
Someday, we will find a cure or a way to prevent you. I can't wait until that day.
Sincerely,
Jim (Jimmy)
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