I'm sure most of you are thinking of the physical changes that have occurred to me since I've undergone chemotherapy. The change that I'm speaking about today is the spiritual and mental changes that have occurred and are still occurring. I think most cancer patients have 3 lives...their life pre-cancer, their life during treatment, and their life post-cancer.
People often ask me how I'm doing and how my family is doing. I think for the most part, we are used to the idea that this is our life right now...and we make the best of it. We have fun, we laugh, we try to live our life as normally as possible. I love life. I recognize now, more than ever before, that I am very lucky (or blessed). I have an amazing family that loves me for who I am. They accept my shortcomings and make me want to be better.
I appreciate my health more now. I was healthy last year and didn't appreciate it. My good days now are so special to me. I look forward to the days that I feel good and those days aren't as good as before I got sick. I'm looking forward to the summer. I will have completed my chemotherapy on June 3rd and I can't wait for the colors and warm weather. I've always loved summer but this year will be even more special.
My faith has increased. Not only my faith that I am going to beat this challenge, but my faith in God. I've mentioned it so many times, and I will continue to say it, we have felt the prayers of so many of you. My prayers are more meaningful. You would probably think that my prayers center on being cured, while I do mention that in most of my prayers, I tend to pray for my family and friends and others that are going through hard times. I am blessed!
When I'm through with my treatments, I want to be a force for good. I have a great opportunity every year, through my employer, to oversee a fairly sizeable charitable giving budget. We have always done a pretty good job dispersing those funds each year, but I'm sure my thought process going forward will be different. I also want to do more!!! I've served on the board of directors for a local charity. It was a wonderful opportunity, but I can do more. I can make a difference.
I feel like I'm rambling now, but I want everyone that reads this blog to see things differently. Cherish what you have, enjoy your families, LOVE LIFE! It is so easy to look at the negative things in your life, but I hope more of us will focus on the positive. Thank you again for all of your support. We couldn't do this without you!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
RCHOP
RCHOP???? I thought I would take a few minutes today to talk about the chemotherapy regimen that I go through. RCHOP is an acronym for the chemicals that are infused into my body every 3 weeks. They are as follows:
R = Rituximab (Rituxan)
C = Cyclosphoasphamide
H = Hydoxydaunorubicin (doxorubicin)
O = Oncovin (vincristine)
P = Prednisone
You've probably already read about Rituxan. It is a new type of drug that my Oncologist calls the "Smart Bomb". It attacks the cancer cells. This particular drug has many side effects including death for 4 out of 1,000 patients. It is infused at a very slow rate to ensure that there are no reactions. It typically takes 4 1/2 hours to infuse 1 bag of this drug into my body. I am grateful for this drug as it alone has improved survival rates by a large percentage.
Cyclosphosphamide is an alkylating anti-neoplastic agent. This drug adds chemicals known as an alykyl group to the cell, inhibiting its ability to divide.
Hydoxydaunaorubicin (doxorubicin) prevents cancerous DNA and RNA from replicating. This is the scariest chemical for me. It looks like red jello and is given to me through 2 large syringes.
Vincristine (formerly known as Oncovin) is similar to Cyclosphosphamide in that it inhibits cell division. This drug while good is causing me problems. It causes tingling in my fingertips and feet (peripheral neuropathy). I don't know if this is a permanent side effect but as I've told several people, I would rather have neuropathy than die from cancer.
Prednisone is a steroid that helps with anti-inflammation. That is not the reason for the use in RCHOP though. For some reason, high doses seem to take action on cancerous white blood cells. I take this drug orally for 5 days. I take 100mg (5 pills) every day for the first 5 days after chemo. The biggest thing I notice is that I am not myself while taking Prednisone. I don't get angry but I'm not my usual positive self.
There are many side effects from this chemo regimen but they are mostly the ones that you think about when you hear the word chemo. I get a lot of anti-nausea medicines and the second round went much better. Primarily I have chronic fatigue, I feel sick (similar to a really bad stomach flu), and of course...I lost my hair.
This is probably more than any of you wanted to know but I thought I would share. Thank you for the continued support and prayers. We feel the prayers. One quick story...a family that I home teach recently went to Israel. While they were there, they put my name in the western wall (wailing wall). They also prayed for me while they were in the Garden of Gethsemane. I was so humbled that they would think to do this for me and my family. I know many of you put our names on the prayer rolls in the temple and a good friend of mine in Georgia puts my name on the prayer roll for his church. I'm so blessed to have such great friends and family. Thank you for all that you do!
R = Rituximab (Rituxan)
C = Cyclosphoasphamide
H = Hydoxydaunorubicin (doxorubicin)
O = Oncovin (vincristine)
P = Prednisone
You've probably already read about Rituxan. It is a new type of drug that my Oncologist calls the "Smart Bomb". It attacks the cancer cells. This particular drug has many side effects including death for 4 out of 1,000 patients. It is infused at a very slow rate to ensure that there are no reactions. It typically takes 4 1/2 hours to infuse 1 bag of this drug into my body. I am grateful for this drug as it alone has improved survival rates by a large percentage.
Cyclosphosphamide is an alkylating anti-neoplastic agent. This drug adds chemicals known as an alykyl group to the cell, inhibiting its ability to divide.
Hydoxydaunaorubicin (doxorubicin) prevents cancerous DNA and RNA from replicating. This is the scariest chemical for me. It looks like red jello and is given to me through 2 large syringes.
Vincristine (formerly known as Oncovin) is similar to Cyclosphosphamide in that it inhibits cell division. This drug while good is causing me problems. It causes tingling in my fingertips and feet (peripheral neuropathy). I don't know if this is a permanent side effect but as I've told several people, I would rather have neuropathy than die from cancer.
Prednisone is a steroid that helps with anti-inflammation. That is not the reason for the use in RCHOP though. For some reason, high doses seem to take action on cancerous white blood cells. I take this drug orally for 5 days. I take 100mg (5 pills) every day for the first 5 days after chemo. The biggest thing I notice is that I am not myself while taking Prednisone. I don't get angry but I'm not my usual positive self.
There are many side effects from this chemo regimen but they are mostly the ones that you think about when you hear the word chemo. I get a lot of anti-nausea medicines and the second round went much better. Primarily I have chronic fatigue, I feel sick (similar to a really bad stomach flu), and of course...I lost my hair.
This is probably more than any of you wanted to know but I thought I would share. Thank you for the continued support and prayers. We feel the prayers. One quick story...a family that I home teach recently went to Israel. While they were there, they put my name in the western wall (wailing wall). They also prayed for me while they were in the Garden of Gethsemane. I was so humbled that they would think to do this for me and my family. I know many of you put our names on the prayer rolls in the temple and a good friend of mine in Georgia puts my name on the prayer roll for his church. I'm so blessed to have such great friends and family. Thank you for all that you do!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday
I have always loved Fridays (who doesn't...right?). Fridays now mean something more. Every Friday, I am one week closer to my final treatment. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a long way to go before I'm done with this trial but this past week went by very quickly. Every Friday, in between treatments, I have to get my PICC line flushed and have the dressing changed. If I am feeling well enough, Michelle and I try to go to dinner.
I felt pretty good tonight. I wasn't really feeling sick but I'm very lethargic. As my daughter, Sydney, would say..."I feel heavy". We decided to visit my Mom for a few minutes as she had surgery yesterday. She is doing great and looked a lot better than I expected. I am really happy that she is doing so well. I worry about her but she is a trooper.
After visiting for a while, Michelle and I went to dinner. It is Michelle's birthday on Monday, so I let her pick the restaurant. She wanted to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (one of her top five favorites). We sat in the top section of the restaurant and basically had the section to ourselves. We had a great meal with great conversation. It was a great date!
I came home to several phone calls, including calls from two of my brothers, my cousin Seth and my former Bishop (thanks Bishop Coats). I appreciate the phone calls so much! They really lift my spirits. I am so grateful for friends and family! This challenge would be so much different without the support of all of you!
I felt pretty good tonight. I wasn't really feeling sick but I'm very lethargic. As my daughter, Sydney, would say..."I feel heavy". We decided to visit my Mom for a few minutes as she had surgery yesterday. She is doing great and looked a lot better than I expected. I am really happy that she is doing so well. I worry about her but she is a trooper.
After visiting for a while, Michelle and I went to dinner. It is Michelle's birthday on Monday, so I let her pick the restaurant. She wanted to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (one of her top five favorites). We sat in the top section of the restaurant and basically had the section to ourselves. We had a great meal with great conversation. It was a great date!
I came home to several phone calls, including calls from two of my brothers, my cousin Seth and my former Bishop (thanks Bishop Coats). I appreciate the phone calls so much! They really lift my spirits. I am so grateful for friends and family! This challenge would be so much different without the support of all of you!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Chemo #2 (1/3 of the way)
Michelle and I went in at 8:30 am to the IMC Huntsman Cancer Center. We were able to get our same private room that we had last time. It took a while to get started as they were trying to figure out my anti-nausea medicines. They finally reached Dr. Lagant and she gave them the go ahead for another med. We started with the Rituxan again as it takes 4 1/2 hours to run that one. I can't remember the other drugs but there are a total of 5.
The day before chemo, we met with my oncologist, we received very good news. Anectdotally, the night sweats are gone, the cough is gone and the fatigue is getting better. From the blood count perspective, she was very pleased. She said my red blood counts were very good. The white blood counts were 6100 which is well above the danger zone (she usually doesn't get worried unless they are in the 2700 -3000 range. She also gave me new survivor rates for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (Large B Cell). For someone my age in Stage 2, I have a 81% chance of being cancer free in the next 5 years. If she counts my spleen like a lymph node, that rate goes up to 91%. The good news is that this study includes everyone from 40 - 60 years old and since I'm on the young end of that spectrum, my outlook is even better. I've known that we were going to beat this from day one but it is nice to hear such good news.
These past few week have given me hope that it isn't going to be as hard as I thought! I'm sure that a lot of that comes from the prayers and blessings that we have received. I've definitely felt the Lord's hand in this trial. We are so blessed!
The day before chemo, we met with my oncologist, we received very good news. Anectdotally, the night sweats are gone, the cough is gone and the fatigue is getting better. From the blood count perspective, she was very pleased. She said my red blood counts were very good. The white blood counts were 6100 which is well above the danger zone (she usually doesn't get worried unless they are in the 2700 -3000 range. She also gave me new survivor rates for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (Large B Cell). For someone my age in Stage 2, I have a 81% chance of being cancer free in the next 5 years. If she counts my spleen like a lymph node, that rate goes up to 91%. The good news is that this study includes everyone from 40 - 60 years old and since I'm on the young end of that spectrum, my outlook is even better. I've known that we were going to beat this from day one but it is nice to hear such good news.
These past few week have given me hope that it isn't going to be as hard as I thought! I'm sure that a lot of that comes from the prayers and blessings that we have received. I've definitely felt the Lord's hand in this trial. We are so blessed!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
My Sanity
I just want everyone to know that a big part of my sanity is the phone calls and visits from friends and family. I just had a great visit from a very good friend from work (thanks Theron). I look forward to my daily call with my Dad. My brothers call me every couple of days. I love to see my sisters when I have the chance. My inlaws are bringing us dinner tomorrow and I'm so excited to see them and appreciate all that they have done for us.
I've always maintained that when the chips are down, surround yourself with those that you love. So many friends have stopped by and lifted my spirits. All I can say is thank you. Please know that you are welcome to drop by or call anytime! It helps me maintain my sanity!
I've always maintained that when the chips are down, surround yourself with those that you love. So many friends have stopped by and lifted my spirits. All I can say is thank you. Please know that you are welcome to drop by or call anytime! It helps me maintain my sanity!
Monday, March 7, 2011
My Release and Hair
I've had a few good days recently. 3 of the last 4 nights, the night sweats have gone. It is amazing what a few good nights of sleep do for my attitude and overall health.
I was released from the Bishopric on Sunday. It was an emotional day for me, not because I was released but because I knew I would 
have to speak in Sacrament Meeting. We are so blessed to live in our ward. The members are so caring and service oriented. I knew I had to thank them and I'm an emotional guy. Following my testimony, my Dad got up (more tears), then my daughter Makenzie (more tears), and Michelle was the final testimony of the meeting (even more tears). It was a good day but very emotional. Michelle summed it up perfectly when she said that this trial has made everything more sweet. Our relationship is more sweet, we 
are so much more appreciative of family and friends and it is making a difference in other people's lives as well. Hard to see this challenge as a blessing at times...but it definitely is a blessing!
have to speak in Sacrament Meeting. We are so blessed to live in our ward. The members are so caring and service oriented. I knew I had to thank them and I'm an emotional guy. Following my testimony, my Dad got up (more tears), then my daughter Makenzie (more tears), and Michelle was the final testimony of the meeting (even more tears). It was a good day but very emotional. Michelle summed it up perfectly when she said that this trial has made everything more sweet. Our relationship is more sweet, we 
are so much more appreciative of family and friends and it is making a difference in other people's lives as well. Hard to see this challenge as a blessing at times...but it definitely is a blessing!Ironically, after I was released, Michelle took me home and after getting settled I tugged at my hair. A big clump of hair came out. Michelle and Sydney thought it was a riot to pull out clumps of my 
hair. It didn't hurt and was very strange. We decided to take proactive measures. We went to dinner at my parents house and after dinner I let the kids and Michelle have fun with my hair. I am still getting used to my new look. Sydney keeps telling me that it is strange. We had a lot of laughs and something that could have been a difficult situation turned into a fun family event.
hair. It didn't hurt and was very strange. We decided to take proactive measures. We went to dinner at my parents house and after dinner I let the kids and Michelle have fun with my hair. I am still getting used to my new look. Sydney keeps telling me that it is strange. We had a lot of laughs and something that could have been a difficult situation turned into a fun family event. 
I love my family. I also love and appreciate all of our friends that support us each and every day!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
My best day of 2011
Friday was by far the best day of 2011. I had a great night of sleep, no night sweats. I woke up and had a good breakfast. The weather was very nice and the sun was shining. Michelle and I had a lot to do. We had to go to the IMC Cancer Center to get my PICC line cleaned and flushed, we then went to buy unmentionables at the Beehive Clothing store at the Jordan River Temple. I'm days from losing my hair so we went to Sports Authority to buy some beanie caps. We then invited my parents to go to dinner with us. I'm so grateful for my parents! They have been such a big support to me and Michelle. It was a wonderful evening! Michelle and I talked about how nice it felt to reconnect. Everything has been about my sickness but Friday felt like a normal day.
Michelle and I have been through a lot over the years. This latest trial has brought us even closer (I didn't think that was possible). I've said it many times but I'll say it again, she is my rock! I am so lucky to have her. I am blessed!
We are going to my nieces baptism today. I'm so excited for her! She is a sweetheart. I'm also going to see Nick compete in drumline. I'm worried about going into a large crowd but I will find a place that is away from most of the people. I'm really not anti-social, I have just become very aware of people coughing, sneezing, sniffling, etc... I'm really hoping that today will be a good day.
Here's hoping that there will be many good days going forward!
Michelle and I have been through a lot over the years. This latest trial has brought us even closer (I didn't think that was possible). I've said it many times but I'll say it again, she is my rock! I am so lucky to have her. I am blessed!
We are going to my nieces baptism today. I'm so excited for her! She is a sweetheart. I'm also going to see Nick compete in drumline. I'm worried about going into a large crowd but I will find a place that is away from most of the people. I'm really not anti-social, I have just become very aware of people coughing, sneezing, sniffling, etc... I'm really hoping that today will be a good day.
Here's hoping that there will be many good days going forward!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Going to work
I went to work yesterday. I arrived just before 8:00 am and it took me until 8:30 to get settled. I had a meeting with my boss and counterparts at 8:30. It was great to speak with them. I really miss being in the mix. I worked until 11:30 when I ran out of steam. Unfortunately, I felt miserable for the rest of the day.
I told my boss that I wouldn't make it to work today, I just don't feel right. I probably won't return again until after my next chemo treatment. I'm so grateful to work for an employer that cares about people. I've always been loyal to my company but when I return to work, I will be even more committed to it.
Some bad news...I thought the night sweats were gone but they have returned the past two nights. I still think they are going to end soon, but it makes for lousy sleep. It really affects my attitude as well. When I get enough sleep, it is so much easier to take one day at a time.
Some really good friends of ours brought a really yummy (yes, I said yummy) dinner last night. We are learning to accept service and are so grateful for the wonderful people in our lives that continue to help us.
I told my boss that I wouldn't make it to work today, I just don't feel right. I probably won't return again until after my next chemo treatment. I'm so grateful to work for an employer that cares about people. I've always been loyal to my company but when I return to work, I will be even more committed to it.
Some bad news...I thought the night sweats were gone but they have returned the past two nights. I still think they are going to end soon, but it makes for lousy sleep. It really affects my attitude as well. When I get enough sleep, it is so much easier to take one day at a time.
Some really good friends of ours brought a really yummy (yes, I said yummy) dinner last night. We are learning to accept service and are so grateful for the wonderful people in our lives that continue to help us.
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